She is in my trunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
