i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
