After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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