i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
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I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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