I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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