i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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