She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They took my balls.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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