Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
