i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
