I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
