Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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