I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
