She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
