Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
