That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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