you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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