this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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