you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
