We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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