Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
