i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
