When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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