I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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