ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
