and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize