Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
