Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
