two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
