It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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