i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
