It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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