And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
