Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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