I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
