He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
