Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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