Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
