I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
