Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
