I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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