What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
