i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
