I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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