Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
