why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
