My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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