two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
