The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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