She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
