I'm lost and stupid without you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
