Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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