But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
