I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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