Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
