I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
