i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
