My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
