neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
