So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
