what if every blade of grass was a penis?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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