Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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