I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
