Whod you bang
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
