I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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