do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and she was petting her beer can
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
