Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
